Turn Out The Lights.

I talk about women on here too much. So...for today's installment we gonna see if i can avoid that topic....


About 2 years ago , during my EXTRA tumultuous freshman year , I came home for winter break. I start having a conversation with my mom , and somehow one of my fatal flaws comes up.


My entire life , I have fled the spotlight.


Now...a good 2 years later...it's still a problem.

Now I know...most people dont have this issue. Most people don't get close enough to the eyes of many to ever feel that way.


As cocky as i may be ( a quality about me that gets totally overblown), i HATE talking about myself. Girls(that don't count as a mention) , the radio show , anything I got done at school, sports accomplishments...nothing. I hate talking about it.It's to the point I'd rather discuss shit I suck at than discuss my strengths.

I'm a grown ass man....but i JUST stopped taking compliments in such a childish way. My face used to get hot , I looked down or away , then I fumbled out a thanks. This was my routine for everything from "that was a great speech" to "youre gorgeous" (to this day i think she was trippin that night...GORGEOUS?).

But why is it??

Because Im insecure. I'm insecure as shit...and so are you. I just choose to say it. I used to get tortured in elementary and middle school. Ugly , clumsy , whatever....i heard that shit. At this point in my life , I know I'm far from either of those insults ; but the residual damage doesn't go away. When people show love , 75 % of the time I'm waiting for the sneak jab/punchline. Issue is....most of the love shown is legit. My cynical viewpoint doesn't give a damn about all that though.

I've come along way. Nowadays I just don't care ; I go where anyone can see me and i do what i do. If anyone feels any sort of way...they either can go die or keep it to themselves. Still I feel limited ; as if i could be so much better in every facet of my life. My radio show should be alot better than what it is ; I should play alot more ball and work out more;I would say I should go harder in school but...I did go hard...I just happened to fail a class I REALLY needed.


Hopefully in all this time on winter break....I figure out what my next drastic move needs to be....

I know this post was a little all over the place...I'd apologize but this is my E-diary...if i wanna have a lil brain vomit on the page....thats life.

Streetlights - Kanye West

Sums my feelings up almost perfectly.

See y'all later....


EDIT: this post is slightly depressing already but I had to state this...

RIP to dude who died from the ODU football team (Osric Robinson)...He asked me and my dude(or maybe it was just my dude...iforgot) about some stuff we were doin in the gym...Seemed like a cool cat...Saw him around multiple times.

What gets me about it is ....i don't even know fam like that. But to know he's gone forever like that...is wild. Caught me off guard. Had me thinking about the mortality of those around me that I love...and my own.A lot of my fellow Monarchs are hurt by his death , which tells me he was a good dude. All of y'all hold ya head...

With that said....say everything you must while you still have the breath to do it. Don't stress over wack shit....Live cause tommorrow ain't promised. RIP to that man.

Hot Pursuit...

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW....it's been a while...alot has happened...imma recap and point out some things...whatever yo...WHATEVER

First Weekend Back At School
.......Mad freshmen girls came....some left(they were smart and musta felt the debauchery in the air)....kings is the devil...i was SLOPPY...almost did some SUPER reckless shit(if you know...you KNOW lmao)....was very difficult to look those who were present in the eyes afterwards...that liqour make people expose body parts...oh and give lapdances....dont play Kings with us if you not tryna lapdance miss...lmao...happens EVERY GAME!...SMH @ us

Second Weekend Back....
....Real interesting....I went to the APhiA Pajama Party (aka the only real relevant webb jam all year). I came to quite a few realizations.

REALIZATION NUMBER ONE!

I'm getting old. Like I'm walking around (FOR THE RECORD...I WAS GOIN INNNNNN)...and first dance was some freshman chick. She was cute or whatever so i inquired as to what her name was. Regardless....shorty danced with me for...5 straight damn songs. Like im lookin at my roommate with the "what the hell/save me" face on. Night went on....and im noticing how many freshmen were in there...then i started to feel weird. I mean I'm only 20 but I've never really been attracted to girls significantly younger than me and have been drawn to older girls (shoutout to my almost Valentine last yr ;)). So for me to walk around the sweatbox that is the Webb Center , in some damn PJs and a wifebeater bending over girls who dont remember that the Black Ranger on Power Rangers used to be black....CMON NOW. How the hell am i expected to feel? I knew in my heart I can't come back to the Pajama Jam next year cause its no longer "me". I'mma leave that to the underclassmen because in reality , thats really a good look for them; I'm 21 in a couple months...I cant even do it.


REALIZATION NUMBER TWO!!!!!!
So I also came across someone who I....how do I put this...liked at the same time that I was "talking"(wtf does that even mean) to someone else I REALLY liked. Now here the questions arise....such as....why didn't you just try and court both of em?....Look i was 18 and my mind (nor my understanding of women...) was that far advanced. And before the "nigga you a fraud" chants come out ; I reallyyyyyyyyy liked "her" (nah im not typing your name); I'm not tryna front like i wasn't deep into it. It's just the other girl...like i knew she was interested wayyyyy back when i just got to ODU but she got lost in the shuffle. From time to time we cross paths and when we do....I'd be a liar if i said i don't think about what could've happened. I all but let it go since she stays in a relationship....WELP!

She popped up that night...we exchanged smiles said what up and kept moving....i saw her like 3 songs later and went to WORK(lmao)....the whole time I'm thinking ....did i pick the wrong person 2 years ago? When you break it down...and see that nothing really became of me and my first college crush....Could it be that choice bit me in the ass?...Yes I was having life changing epiphanies as an ass is moving all over me...ONLY ROB...ONLYYYY ROB. And it's -looks at date- October 16th; for this to still be so fresh in my mind should tell you more than enough :\...I just don't see her enough. If i did....I'd let it be known what I want it to be....


ENOUGH OF THAT SAPPY SHIT!
After them first 2 weeks plenty of amusing shit happened....did a couple episodes of the Rob Report(the radio show shameless self promo coming soon).....The show's kinda popular...which is unfortunate cause I have not been giving it my all and I need to step it up without a doubt...I almost feel like im screwing the viewers over...The shows building steam real fast. I knew it would happen but...not like this. So thats an adjustment in itself; I'm far from shy but I'm kinda to myself at times...the fact that people I don't know recognize me from the show and express their appreciation...thats wild to me lol. I always feel like...ME???...The show's that ill to y'all? Im in disbelief of my own talents but thats kinda how I am with most things...With that said i appreciate ALL the love (and the hate but I really don't get any...other than this one girl who said me and Steve look like scrubs....whatever that means :|) Sllighty unrelated....i met Estelle and Trav from GCH that was fun and my Estelle crush has only worsened...holla...also got to see them (and the Roots perform)...great experience...

This post is long as hell so lemme cut the blabbering....I'll prolly post in a few more days I'll try and get more consistent....lemme give yall something to listen to/watch....





GCH - Shoot Down The Stars....i thought GCH was corny till i saw em live and i was dead wrong...song/video is pretty deep you should be able to feel it...



I play this song to death on my show....some girl said it was wack....she deserves to get jabbed in her ear....with a penis.

GONE TILL A LATER DATE!(not forever)

Someone has to be honest.

DISCLAIMER: I'M NOT A BITCH...-sigh-

So um....I went to go see an old friend on Thursday. The plan was to watch movies...Purple Rain to be exact (lmao go ahead hate on it...prince is cooler than you your parents and everyone else you love).....It was fun it went well...She even bought me food!(Good look yo I owe you one...) But at some point we were wrestling and i flipped her over....I was helping her up and it hit me like a Mike Tyson uppercut....

I might be diggin her more than I thought.

Rob:"You good?"
Her: "Yeah I'm ok"


We both smiled and ...FROZE.
At this point I'm thinkin...oh what the hell...but i didn't do anything....for the first time in a whiiiiileeeeeeee I couldn't make a move on a female. I rode home all distraught (shoutout to the LIRR). I couldn't figure out what was stopping me....

It was...myself. She is a really really cool friend and has put me onto alot of shit I wouldn't learn otherwise about women and life in general. The thing that creeped me out was realistically 2 things. One is normal, second is some total "Rob is 20 going on 43" shit.

NUMBER ONE!
The percentage of me getting rejected (albeit in my opinion...i feel it was pretty low..no humility down here at DMR) was enough to make me not wanna do it. You ever have a friend who likes you try to take it there and say they diggin you or worse...try something? And you not feeling it?...Relationship RUINED. That shit never gets fixed and you look at them different FOREVER.I've lived this multiple times; needless to say me and those females aren't as cool as we used to be if even at all. I value our friendship pretty highly...highly enough that I'd rather not have to wish things could be normal again after I try somethin...And that sounds super lame....especially coming from me cause really??? Youre my female friend??? You gimme the opportunity...and i if i think you're cute, I'm gonna take you up on it(and some of yall, im tryna get you to throw me the alley but you're being difficult for no reason -_-).Oddly enough most of my female friends are kinda cute lol...and lets get THIS straight...i am a STRANGER to the friend zone...I've broken out of it , rarely been put in it , put in it by girls i didnt and never wanted lmao...IN SHORT...I'm no lame...

NUMBER TWO!
Even if she did go along with it....now what? We talk on the regular....we both have egos and i personally feel we'd both give each other space to not "look like a fiend". We are at somewhat similar points in our lives when it comes to the opposite sex, the difference mainly being girls just (as in 2-4 yrs) started actually liking/taking me seriously. I'm gettin kinda popular with the ladies, she has plenty fans/groupie niggas....I do not want her to look at me like "another dude". And I'm sure she doesn't wanna be put into the "girls chasing Rob" list. This just makes it awkward and the dynamic of the relationship will change...and theres no way around that.

Now...don't get me wrong. This isn't some OH DAMN sort of revelation. I know i liked her a little for a while now. I expressed it just to throw it out there and that was that , no big deal , no real changes between us. Far as i know , theres a mutual attraction. It's just I never expected to have to pull some ol corny "BUT SHES MY FRIEEEENDDDDDD ITS NOT LIKE THATTTTT" shit. I even admitted how i felt about the whole situation to her , and I only felt SLIGHTLY better. I mean its been a couple days; I'm pretty much over it. Seeing as how we're gonna be friends for a while from what I see , I don't think this is just gonna go away. In some way , it has to be addressed. How?...Not to sure about that at the moment but I have other things on my plate i need to think about so...eh...

With that said, what's life without the awkward parts...the difficulty....the conversations you don't want to have?...Exactly. It's not life at all.

Whatever though...I got some people to meet next week so that should be fun...

And for the record some events from this week will not be mentioned on the blog...ill say this...I had fun lmao....

I'm GONE!



and go buy that Lloyd - Lessons In Love...not that i did or anything...but its hot!

I finally posted...yayyy I can feel your excitement -_-

So um....yeah...i was looking at my blog like...this shit lacks posts...so maybe i should say something....

then i was like but wait...i cant talk about what i wanna talk about...you know...who i wanna punch in the face...whos chest i wanna grab (in some cases it wouldn't be the first time said jugs were fondled)...dates....

so...i bought it up on a top secret msg board that shall not be named...if i said where it was a man with spiky hair and a sniper scope would put me in perma-sleep...i was also told some fat greasy dude would come find me and make my "shoulders clap" as he puts it ....and i like my chest being in one piece....

WITH THAT SAID....I'm gonna post...I'm gonna talk my shit and deal with the issues later...word....so lemme discuss something thats on my mind at the moment....this upcoming week should be pretty amusing...lets see how much of that i can throw online without singlehandedly destroying my life....i saw some dudes blog where he put some overly graphic shit about his girl wacking him off in the back of his car....the hell kind of post is that? I don't think yall wanna read about my nutfests lmao...SO ILL SPARE YALL THOSE.

K I'm done rambling for the moment heres some vids/music....shut up and be happy i put you on...

White girls getting gooned out at passa passa....when is that not funny?



Don't front...this song is hard (Sorry i was watching Knocked Up)



If this isn't even SLIGHTLY hot...you suck and I dont care about your opinion...


NOW FOR THE MUSIC!!!!!



Funny and real...lmao



Ill.....you peep how i completely switched directions on you right???...I know you did.




If Chris can't blow with this....I give up.

AND FINALLY



How do you make a song about sendin a chick to the free agent pool....and its got so much swag she just might not freak out? (lmao)

Aight...i'll see y'all foolish ramblings coming soon...