The Affair.

When I was younger ( I really don't know how old I was) , my mom once told me I don't love anything. I don't care about anyone thing enough to actually put forth the effort.

Now you know how when someone very important to you....tells you some REAL shit? Me...I'm a relatively angry person so naturally...I was pissed off (on the inside my pops is 6'3 260 and my mom will warm me up before he whoops my young ass).

It made me mad but....It was true...very true. I've gone through life surviving off natural talent..charm..and humor until recently. I lacked the determination to go hard and work towards any "goal". I was a lil more than above avg in school so...really it didn't affect me like that. I just didn't have a passion like other kids.

And I've done every activity out there....African/Modern Dance..Basketball...Little League Baseball...Shotokan(Karate)...Electric Guitar....I even had a lil poetry stint when I was youngn but I hung that up (I should pick it back up...Nothing is more beautiful than fitting words together...)

I was..aight at the worst in all of said activities but...I just didn't care.

On a whole though, that one quote from my moms describes me fully...even to this very moment. I love alot of things for a little while then I quickly become bored. Good example...college radio. I lived and breathed this shit when I first started. I CARED. I was passionate about it and felt disrespected by people who were involved but did radio for other reasons (a lust for attention , girls who giggle and say "OMG DONT YOU HAVE A SHOW?!?!", people who are obsessed with hearing their own voice). But after a while , the strain , the stress, things that went on behind the scenes that pissed me off...they wore on me. Left me jaded.I'm 3 semesters in and chasing a high so to speak ; I dont feel the way i felt sophomore year when it all started , and I'm unsure if I ever will. What bothers me the most is it comes through in my show; radio is unforgiving. If you don't care, everyone can tell immediately.

But....even though our relationship is bumpy as hell , and shes not making me chicken rice like she used to , and she nags every Monday and Wednesday at 6-8PM....I still love her punk ass. I double majored...for radio. I applied to an XM internship...for radio. I'm serious about this....I'm just starting to feel like I hit my ceiling as far as college radio is concerned. I'd like to spread my wings at WODU but i feel like I can't. I also only feel that a couple people really care about this....A few serious people and a bunch of people who are bullshitting...how could i not feel tired??? Exasperated??? Can you really blame me???



See mom??? I finally love something.